I must be too annoying 4 u.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize