she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
