Soap is not a condiment
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
