the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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