its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
