i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
