I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
