"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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