after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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