i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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