let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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