I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
