The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
