dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Too much gin, very little bucket
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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