I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you will always have a special place in my vag
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize