You're my little dorito
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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