oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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