Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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