I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
