I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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