I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
