I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
