Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
