the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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