I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
