He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
