Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
