I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
