Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
