You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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