Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Randomize
