we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
