i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
