Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
