Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
