sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize