anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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