Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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