Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
