someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
