she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
