You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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