just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
being pregnant is like rehab
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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