your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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