you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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