Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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