There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
