Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
