They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
