I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
