I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
