his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
is it fun? or sober?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
