the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
