You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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