he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
