It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
