If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So much Jack, so little girl.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
