Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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