he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
