I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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