I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize