well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
