Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
handjob tips. give me some.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
