I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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