i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Text me some of your sweat
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
