I am puke
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
