I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
