the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
