u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
