Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
