No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
