Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and she was petting her beer can
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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