Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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