If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
