Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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