My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize