apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
