I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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