If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
