well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
